(I REMEMBER THE DAY, NOT THE DATE…)

i feel the exhaustion in every part of my body.
this entire week just fell on top of me like a pile of bricks.

the whole ride home from work today, I could not let go a feeling of guilt. the guilt of having lost my patience this morning with my precious angel. she is so young so pure and so darn innocent. but this phase we have entered of what seems to be endless crying and screaming finally got the best of me this morning. i woke up late for starters and was already feeling extremely nervous and anxious. this morning i was to drop off my sarita at the home of a beautiful friend of mine to be looked after while I went to work. truth is, we have not yet dropped her off anywhere for the day. she has been looked after always in our home. we have had a few babysitters and as much as we have spoken about this, mentally prepared, and even trained for it – my nerves were popping out of my body.
you want everything to go smooth: the wake-up, the diaper change, pajamas off, breakfast and into the car. But can you ever really plan such things? she totally threw a tantrum (a few really). Even though I can usually bear the sound for quite some time while keeping calm – I just yelled. I suppose I just wanted her to stop already, to listen to what I was saying, understand, and calm down. Poor thing.

Of course, the rest of our morning was delightful. She gets over those tantrums pretty easily.