no clichés

you are 18 months already and i am 30 years old.
“they grow so fast”, they say. yes, they do – but only as fast as time “flies” on a regular basis. time is flying only because it’s been so amazing.
only because each day is more beautiful than the day before.

i could sit here and break my writer’s block with an entry filled with details on how quickly the time has gone, and how i blinked and she was so big and chatty that i do not know where the time has gone. but honestly i have been as present as i could be every single day.
i have jumped into the intensity of each day with my heart wide open.
i have done my very best not to miss a single beat; to catch every moment that i could.
if i missed my family for two days straight, i make the next two days feel like four.

in truth, she is quite different than she was 18 months ago and it is truly magical to watch a person be born and grow while you guide that being with no real knowledge of what you are doing.
(she’s actually getting real funny. my kid makes me laugh – what a joy)
and my family has, in fact, made a move to the west coast creating more intensity to life.
but i do look forward to tomorrow the same as i looked forward to today and yesterday.
i try and remind myself to stay in my body and not lose myself in the intensity of life and mayhem that is my emotional body. i continue to wear my heart on my sleeve as it keeps me true.
i continue longing to be in fifteen places at once as everyone’s family grows and as everyone grows farther away in body and mind.

in this new year (where i didn’t even attempt to find services to attend) – i wish for everyone’s family to continue to grow. with so many families growing and “starting up” by so many people i know – i can only shed tears of joy, long to be there with you, and ask G-d and the universe to bring you peace always. good vibes for good people!

L’Shana Tova

I will keep catching up with me here soon…

what is love?

i had an epiphany in the shower tonight.
(if we can call it an epiphany)

there may not be anyone who truly truly gets me.
who is present every step of my emotional path,
every moment, every breath.
but would we want that anyway?

if we truly understood everything about each other,
how and why we react in each different way;
what makes up our individual emotional composition,
would we be together?
what would be the point?
wouldn’t we drive each other crazy?

it is not possible that i am the only person who feels as complex as i do.
we all go through fifty thoughts mixed with thirty emotions in a matter of minutes.
it happens to us all. we barely get it ourselves when it happens;
so how is he supposed to know?
how does anyone know?

time loving each other will take us to a more complex level of understanding.
loving through time, surviving the tests, facing the storms…
every day we are a step closer
i am glad to be on the path.

there was this time, lulu was crying in the car
he jumped in the backseat to calm her
they fell asleep together.
i love him.